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Love and Suicide?...in light of my discoveries of one of the lesser evil's called love,i thought and believed that the matters of the heart speak in two languages..one of death and one of eternal love and together-ness...but upon close inspection they are identical in structure,like they were the same molecule,my understanding is now that the language of love and the language of suicide arein the same scribbled notes..One speculates how you'd die for..And the other how you would die without...thus enabling the factor of risk when you have to deal with either one,will you die with me..or die for me.....or will i die without you...the question you face not anyone else is how or will you try carry on?
....a truth story...And i thought back about that night i got into your car..I thought to myself and asked myself over and over...why did i do it??Now, just like a dam wall breaking around me,i figured it out.. i figured out why i got in..and the only thing that makes sense.....because my color,i still very much love you....
Gone..Your gone,my thought's cut right through me,the day's without you,are just the moment's father time lets me bleed..And trust me i'm calling out,with every sentence i speak of you,my heart skips required beats.yeah, still you stop this heartand you're gone..it just wont stop bleeding,But I can wait,yeah, i can wait here bleeding out forever..Because your the suture i crave,the anesthetic i desire,and even though i'm dying,I'd be able to look into your eye'sand just smile,because this pain ripping through my body..would have finally,eventually have stopped..
To Color..Color...My dreams take me to you...when I think of you...But not always,because it kills me silently every other night.My mind makes it real...Like the way your kisses took my breath away..And how I would hold you...like something I might of accidentally lost,how unfortunate..yes, my color..you actually made that one true..Because of you...there are things I'll never forget.. always unfortunately remember....The warmth between our hands,the tenderness of your lips.the look you always had in your eyes,the love I felt in my heart,how for once i saw life though eyes of color..and how love is really excruciatingly strong..And maybe by tomorrow,i wont miss a thing..hopefully, happily i can forget you my colorAnother day happily spent with no thoughts of you,a dream...nay,to me a day i can try truly once again exist..without constantly destroying my mind,with thoughts of you...
Just a..just a blur,a moment once along time ago..never again true..Suddenly passed,yet to me was held so true,So one last time,that's all i beg you please...for it was just a blur..a moment of you..and a moment of me..
The chasm.. (that you created)There's a space that i thought was for my soul..its dark,its cold,its vacant and alone.that was never there,it used to be a shade,but that grey felt ok.it felt alright because it was there..then you came..and those shades of grey,just went away..and was replaced with something new..but as quick as you came,you cast me a stray,and left with something true..and now when i look at that space for my soul,i feel so alone,because i truly do knowthat space i felt.was only you...